Today I had a session with the student counsellor. I didn’t feel like talking about classes and research so I introduced her to the Exposure Therapy I started yesterday.
I arrived to the consultation with my stomach roaring and bloating, complaining about the “fear breakfast” I had just had.
She asked me what being mindful means to me. We talked headspace and breathing and plenty of other techniques therapy teacher me. But she wanted me to become aware that the essence of mindfulness is to be open to the present moment, so that we can accept it and allow it to flow and transform.
Then she related mindfulness to my fear food challenge of the week. What was the intention behind this concept of “fear food”, what do this term implies? Do those words express love, do they show kindness? Do I speak from my heart or my anxious mind when I say “fear food”?
When stating my goals, when I talk to myself about the challenges I want to face, I should find compassion, disconnect from my wounded should, and show confidence on a flowing going by. I must keep me away from my wounded soul and give me the chance of consideration, understanding and tolerance with my own words.
I can notice and we-word my negative thoughts to make them into positive messages.
We assume that words are only created after we speak but we must also have present that our thoughts are made of words. And it is our thoughts that create our world.
I realised that what was yesterday a “fear food” used to be a “forbidden food” and today is a “challenge food“. Even more amazing, I want to believe that with my determination, they will soon become “dear food“.
Yes I said dear. Preceeding food.
Dear because they are part of my recovery, because they will make me healthy and so I will love them. Dear because all the food in my list are foods that I associate with pleasure and self-indulgence, with reward, and by eating them I can prove myself that I accept my cravings, that I love myself and that I choose to give me life.
I am grateful to my fear foods, because only thanks to them I will find the courage to fight, and will I escape the nightmare of restriction and isolation.
Not eating those fear foods leads to living in the need and keep alive most basic reptilian thoughts of fighting for sustenance, instead of using my abilities to build a full life.
Not eating those fear foods leads to loneliness. Actually all those fear foods are eaten in social events, and the counsellor thought the best term to call them would be “fun foods“! One day, I will party around them and enjoy and share them.
Changing this single letter is changing a whole set of beliefs in my mind that ultimately will lead me to recovery. When fear becomes dear, that is the gift of recovery, the beauty of life.
I can cultivate loving-kindness, so that my speech will automatically be helpful, kind, and compassionate. Only with those weapons will I thrive. Today I want to invite positive self-talk into my live to help me with this weekly food challenge.
“Mind your words. your mind creates through them.”
– Roxana Jones