I won’t measure my recovery based on my BMI.
I will trust the innate wisdom of my body to adjust to this and I will be patient and compassionate with my healing body.
Yes, I may get fat before I recover and there is no shame but admiration to it. I will allow my body to find its own level. Body doesn’t follow numbers or equations but it’s own personal needs at that point of time.
My body has been a forgotten machine that needs to adjust itself with compassionate food and words. It needs to store fat until it can trust that I will keep nourishing him. It needs to heal and restart metabolic and hormonal processes with the huge amount of extra fuel I will give it.
Fat mass is needed for the lean mass to be restored. My body will redistribute (yes, a fat belly is a sign of recovery ongoing!) its mass after a while when it is ready, and stabilise.
I can work in body image acceptance of the need comes. But I can’t give up because I am scare of my new healing body. Growth implies change, and my new image will only be a reflection of my new healthy self, whatever it looks like.
I am not a number, and I am not a diagnosis. I am just me.
I will keep in mind that recovery will bring emotional distress and depression. My mental state will take its time to recover from starvation but I will have tools not to let my ED voice again take control of my thoughts and my emotions.
My ED thoughts have occupied my brain during the calorie deficit period. Not my brain needs to build new natural default responses that do not lead to restrictive and controlling behaviors.
I have tools to deal with the anxiety. I can connect with the world and use my five senses and my breathe to give time and confidence and self-managing strategies to my brain .
I am a warrior.
I am aware that not everyone will understand my fight and some people will make disturbing comments about my eating patterns or my figure. I will not take them personally and will be tolerant with them. I will not let them interfere in my recovery.
I am recovering by living a mindful life, including mindful eating. This implies eating with intuition and my five senses, and only a tiny part of mind. This part of mind includes paying attention to the warning signs of my body but doesn’t know about numbers or labels. I will eat responsibly, real food, but will be flexible and give to my body the food he wants, in the quantity he wants.
I am the artist of my life.
I need tools to create my art pieces, and those tools include high quality foods and ingredients. I deserve it!
I am learning to look with a curious and loving eye to my foods. And I will be proud of them, and of eating them!
Recovery is tough, the journey of my life, but is totally worth it.
Recovery will teach me to listen to my body, to listen to my feelings, love myself and to accept myself.
“A single day is enough to make us a little larger or, another time, a little smaller.”
― Paul Klee