Today I was feeling motivated and daring. I wanted to try some new noodles, thinking of our new Slack friend, @littleblackcat. She misses Singapore food and I felt I would honour her and feel grateful for being in this food paradise by eating some of her favorite dishes.
But the stall was closed. That was not in the plan. Deep breath and then… an idea: Yong Tau Foo. YTF is always there to save me with a nice comforting meal.
I just ate. I feel bad. I gobbled up like a pork because I was nervous…
As I was saying first, today I wanted to take risks so here is what I did.
Challenge #1: Take the fried stuffed bittergourd instead of normal one that is boiled. Fried is usually much more tasty.
Challenge #2: I love the stuffed eggplant in YTF. I slowly got used to it being friend, and I am happy I did, because since then I enjoy eggplant even more.
What? 2 fried items in the same meal?
You complain? Not happy gremlin? Then I will have a third one., I reply with fury,
And I took the best of YTF: fried pumpkin. Sweet, soft, colourful, crunchy outside. A little pleasure from life.
Then I scavenged for the biggest piece of fried eggplant.
I paid and I observed the meticulous preparation of my yummy lunch.
I will always be amazed by the wonderful setting of hawker stalls, with plenty of different ingredients, miracles happening in ridiculously tiny kitchens.
I sat and took a photo of my beautiful colourful bowl. I was proud of me for ordering it.
The photo was nice but… Argh, one of those old scratched table. I was wrong, when I carefully look at it… It was a dove! And dove that came to me to bring me peace and serenity in this meal. It was a reward to my motivation, a surprise to bring excitement to my boring morning.
You are a shame.
The bittergourd was not what I expected. It was not stuffed with fish paste but with minced fatty pork meat.
If at least you could stick to your idea of being vegan, vegetarian, pescetarian! You have no willpower. You are even worse than you used to be. Bah!
And the worse shame is that it tasted good, very good. The scary part, is that it felt like biting into a piece of heaven, into a cloud that just was bringing new clear air and a breeze of happiness.
I needed to forget about it so I decided to catch the eggplant. The piece I took was big indeed.Strangely big. Immense. It was two pieces stacked together ! I was going to eat one more piece.
You are punished for your stupidity.
You went too far. Daring is useless. This battle makes no sense. You are deemed to fail.
You are greedy. You are selfish.
You get what you deserve you fat cow.
As I was seeing how the shiny droplets of oil on it were skyrocketing my anxiety…
I tried to feel grateful for something. There was this dove, my dear comrade in this meal, there was the meticulous woman that had prepared it, there was the sun shining…
And finally, it was over.
I am full.
Full is success. Full means I brought food into my body. It is there, to rest and nourish and heal. I thank myself for having done it, for doing another step to recovery.
The full stomach is not the problem. The real issue is that my head is getting overwhelmed, full of thoughts that do not help and that I don’t let go.
I just let it flow.
Now I see this meal as a victory. I will have exactly the same meal soon and enjoy it. I will mindfully eat it so that my mind understands today was a good choice because I LIKE IT.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill